I open my eyes and it appears that I am entering the blackness into a bottomless pit, known none other than, Hell. The gaping hole surrounds me with thick vines that splinter and cut my skin as I begin to drop like a meteor. As I continue to fall, I can smell fresh sulfur right off huge amounts of coal, and burning fires that have just begun to emerge. And in a quick instant, I slam into the dirt, face first. But luckily, I am still alive and well. I get up and brush off the dust and grains and make my way into what can only be described as a coal mine enclosed in a giant, working oven. I begin to sweat rivers, not only because of the high amounts of heat, but also because of the hideous things I observe. It is then that I finally realize that Hell is the complete opposite of what you would describe Heaven to be, where thousands of angels flutter in the clouds, play X-Box, and do good deeds to please Him. Hell is where tortured souls and fallen angels eat at one another with their pitch forks and knife-like teeth. Where little demon dwarves scour the limitless terrains for scraps of ruptured crows, legless goats, and mutilated body parts. And where, ultimately, you go when you've been naughty to work in an endless coal mine for absolutely no reason as a punishment for your useless life. It is there that Jeffrey Dahmer, Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden and many other fiendish demons sleep alone in their beds of nails. But why am I here, you ask? Simple answer really. You see, this whole time that I've been telling you about the horror of this other world, I've been sitting comfortably on my couch at home watching re-runs of The Nanny. And if you wonder why this world seems so vivid, almost as if you were so accustomed to it, it is because of only one reason. You see, my curious friend, I was never in Hell...You were. I am just the story-teller...
Thanks again!